No Good at Goodbyes.
For some reason or another, I'm marvelously horrible at saying goodbye. I was shunned as my study abroad friends cried their eyes out our last morning in France and I straight up laughed. I gave pitiful excuses for goodbyes when we moved to Hawai'i and even skipped out on going to the bus when my husband deployed. For a year. TO AFGHANISTAN. I don't know what it is, but I simply can't deal. So instead, I avoid. I pretend and avoid at all costs. I am about as nonchalant and casual as they come when parting ways, consciously maneuvering through the awkward "see ya"s, unconsciously blocking the uncomfortable sensation of missing a person who's standing right in front of you. I hate lumps in my throat and Marshall may be right, I don't prefer change. So when I dropped my rattan bag to gently hug my friend B after our beach day, I made sure to keep my grip loose. Not to think the words "some day" or even let my mind consider that her little bun wouldn't be bopping alongside me on wedding days anymore. I went about the entire afternoon completely shutting off the fact that they would no longer be living in Hawai'i, for God knows how long, living God knows where. Instead we casually exchanged "have a great rest of your day!" sentiments while I hopped in the car, covered in sand, as she headed back to their VW Westfalia. Only then, and for a brief second, did I allow myself to stop feel the weight of yet another friend continuing their ventures off island. Maybe one day I will find a healthier way to manage my emotions, but for now, I'll ignore it. Thankfully, B does casual goodbyes, too.
B. + Tim -- it's easy to say I am excited for your adventures, but truly, I am. You guys have found one GEM of a new house on wheels and your passion and ambition to live the life you've been dreaming is inspiring. Tim, thank you for your service -- your soon to be military freedom is well deserved! Seeing your lack of hesitation for this unconventional #vanlife is infectious, do the damn thing! I am forever grateful Hawai'i was a stopover on your journey that brought you to this point and am seriously SERIOUSLY happy that we became friends along the way. Dude, your Savannagon adventures are going to be epic. I am cueing all the wanderlust already. Lots of love for your travels and prayers for cool breezes and 120 horsepower joy. :)
ps: I'm all for innovation, but whatever you do Tim, pleaseeeee, for the love of all things holy, don't build a toilet in that thing! ;)
[ Photos taken with a Fuji Instax Wide ]