The Truth About Marriage.
Practically every morning I wake up and login to Cosmo Radio on Sirius XM and try to catch the wild antics of my favorite radio host, Taylor on Wake Up With Taylor. Marshall can't endure the show (so he says, I don't believe him), but I for one adore Taylor and her honest, fearless opinions on life, fashion, reality TV, and marriage. She is open and brave and downright hilarious, often times I think to myself is she in my brain?!? Best of all I admire Taylor for saying what everyone else is thinking and putting it on the forefront of our minds, especially when it comes to marriage. I once almost ran off the road driving when I heard her say her husband often asks her for specific times and places "WHEN?!?" that he has "done this before" (typically during an argument) and because she can never remember the specific incidents she considered starting a "Bad Boy Journal". A log of sorts of exactly when and where the past incident took place so she could reference it if need be. Boy can I think of several times when I practically cursed myself for NOT having said Bad Boy journal. Hearing Taylor's views on life and relationships is comforting, and often times surprising to hear, not because I can't relate, I can pretty much relate to EVERYTHING she says and don't know of a woman who wouldn't, but what surprises me most is that Taylor is the only person I know of who is actually sharing the truth in these issues She even says in her scratchy, energetic tone of voice something to the effects of 'always pretending life is fine and dandy and perfect, even to your girlfriends, is a disservice to women!' One of my close friends recently mentioned how it's hard not to compare to the "highlight reels" of everyone's life on the internet, and I couldn't agree more. Of course we want to showcase the good, everything that's going right, and all the things we are thankful for, and no one wants to be negative or a drama queen, me especially, but I am here to say marriage isn't always easy. Just like anything worthwhile, it's hard work, every single day. I run across inspirational quotes scattering Pinterest all the time referencing the ideals that "Love comes easy" and "if it's meant to be, it will be" and it makes me sad, because I don't find truth in that at all. Love gets you to your mate, but hard work keeps your love going strong. I even wanted to scream at the top of my lungs when on Don't Be Tardy For The Wedding Kroy said "Kim and I have never had to work at our relationship, it just comes naturally to us". Yes, you have been together for two years!! I hope you aren't shocked in 3 when all those "quirks" aren't so quirky anymore! And yes, I just referenced DBTFTW. Hearing phrases like that are, to me, misleading and unrealistic. People don't stay together for 50 years just out of love, it's commitment. I mean, let's be serious here. When your friend got snowed in at your house, it was awesome! You had your best friend around all day long! But then when day 5 rolls around and the way they eat their cereal annoys you and all you want to do is get a game of single player Mario Cart going, you're ready for that snow to melt. Marriage can sometimes be like getting snowed in with your best friend.
There are times where Marshall may leave the laundry he cleaned piled up on the bed and I have to frustratedly decode his actions to realize he wants me to fold them, or moments where I lose the fancy new tools and can't for the life of me remember where I put them when he needs one. Or bigger fish to fry like agreeing on a place to live, sorting through finances, or what we are going to watch, Sports Center or Real Housewives. Just like the roller coaster of life, there are highs and lows and the discussions that only come when joining two lives. But more importantly, it's knowing and remembering just how much we love each other, letting go of anger in times of frustration, putting our egos aside, learning to speak each other's love languages (that's a whole 'nother post!), and deciding and committing to be always working on our marriage. Even at times when I justdon'tgethowhedoesn'tunderstandthewordsthatarecomingoutofmymouth and we feel like we are each going to blow a gasket, there's that flicker of love and passion that reminds us of the bigger picture. Even then it's hard to remain angry, and rather useless, too.
Regardless if you just got married and are now wondering "is this what married life is like? WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME?!?!?" or have been together for 20 years and are hitting bumps in the road just know that you're not alone. IT'S NORMAL. It probably is happening or has happened to every woman you know. The outcomes may be different, but the issues tend to be the same because
women are right and men are wrong men and women clearly have different ways of thinking. Clearly. Women are emotion based and men are logic based. Why else do you think you get flat screens and kitchen utencils for Christmas every year?
Even through tough times and misunderstandings, it's comforting to have a partner who you love, trust, admire, respect and appreciate in life who you make giggle and can be yourself around. That commitment of sharing your lives together is an untouchable experience, and totally worth the hard work and speed bumps. I am incredibly grateful to have Marshall by my side and would fight the good fight for him & us any day. Most of our days we are fools together and I love him for it. Over 6 years of being together and he still has me smitten, see:
This is why we are so good together. Perfect, really.
Our truths couldn't get any UGLIER here, huh? Once he finds out I tricked him into this he may start a bad girl journal of his own....UHHHhoooohhhhh!