I went out in search of inspiration. Determined to shoot something fantastic. With high hopes of finding hidden treasures around the island, I planned to wrap up my roll of film with great success. It was as dreary as a day can get in Hawaii. Partly cloudy with passing drizzle. I wouldn't let this stop me. I pulled up to Pyramid Rock and from over the dunes could hear the thunder of waves crashing. Giant ones. Circling the beach, camera in tow, my heart began to pound. My hands got sweaty and my mind was reeling. Somewhere between my disastrous body boarding experience and years worth of reoccurring tidal wave dreams, I must have developed a legit fear of monstrous surf. Rational as this may seem, it's rather irrational for a girl who lives by the sea. Interested in a shot of the terrain against pyramid rock, I trudged over to where the surf was breaking. Barefooted, I scaled the miniature boulders, careful not to misstep. Entirely too worried an unexpected wave may barrel over the rocks, engulfing my Canon and I, I reversed my steps and forfeited, accepting a shot from a further vantage point.
Truth is, I was crippled by fear.
Fear of "what ifs". The unknown. The memory that conjures whenever I am reminded of being caught in a washing machine of breaking waves. The rain began to pick up, I dusted the sticky stand from my bare feet and I headed back across the island. Feeling defeated by both my mind and the unpredictable weather.
Just as I reached the tip of the mountain ridge of my drive home, the clouds scattered and the sun broke through, allowing me to stop and merrily finnish off my remaining frames. With visions of Jose Villa grandeur filling my mind, I dropped my film off for 1 hour developing and eagerly returned 50 minutes later. The images I was given were NOT bright and pastel-y and reminiscent of a photography icon, but more of an amateur's version of tourist photos, covered in a blue color cast. Heartbroken, I couldn't help but sit in my car and sulk. But I thought I was getting better...
Tempted to just throw in the towel, forget film, and carry on in the digital world, I remembered what was important to me. That film is the way I want to go. That I will always be learning, and developing (no pun intended. Okay, fine, roll with it...BOOM! Pun IN A PUN!), and battling my irrational fears. And although I may never live up to my childhood expectations via Kate Bosworth in Blue Crush, I will throw myself back in the water. Because just like the tumultuous sets of surf, for me, storms of fear and disappointment come in waves. It's the sky I need to look towards for the overcast to break and the sun to peek through. Because it always will. I just need to remember that next time I get discouraged. Or pick up my next roll of film.
Here are a few from that treacherous roll. May I add that I made a terrible, terrible mistake and used some standard Kodak 4oo film for these? And, the day was overcast, hence why everything is going to be so blue Ashley! Rookie Moves.
If I'm being honest here, my fear of the waves probably worsened when I realized that the "pretty, colorful shells" I was collecting on the beach were actually pieces of broken boards. PLASTIC!
Roosters & Rainbows. Doesn't get much more Hawaii than that!